Creation From The Inside Out
As some people close to me know, I'm in the middle of an 18 month program centered around energy work through meditation - technically called 'Clairvoyant Training' - I assure you there are no crystal balls or flashing neon signs involved. Without going into the uber specifics I will say that for me, the bulk of my work in the program thus far is centered around becoming more aware and learning to work with my own energy.
One of the coolest things that's happened as a result of this work is a gradual shift and realignment between myself and my creativity.
A few years ago, I shifted my attention outside of myself to look for and bring other information in to apply it to myself and do what I'm not certain. Maybe become someone else? Maybe to get past blocks or frustrations that I didn't think I knew how to deal with? It was kinda of like being a brick building not knowing if it's okay to accept yourself as such so you go out looking for the right paint to coat yourself with in the hopes that by painting yourself you might become a construction made from wood instead of brick. It's a strange analogy but follow me it makes sense.
I was raised by people who believed in external validation and recognition above all else as a means for acquiring permission necessary to do what one wants. This is a *death sentence* for creativity. I remember trying to keep my head above water around this; I worked double time to make it okay just to be me and not get swept up in the need for value judgments from outside myself. Trying to just be *brick*. I was successful to some extent but there was always the lingering fear that something me be wrong with me as brick and eventually it would catch up with me.
Fast forward to the year 2001, things were falling apart left and right including somethings I contributed to the creation of and it scared the living shit out of me. With the fall of the towers in New York City I caved into the fear of my brickness and tumbled into submission. I relinquished my convincing efforts and decided to surrender to whatever and I do mean whatever. I was tired and desperately didn't want to fuck up anything else.
I've spent the years following somewhat numb to my creativity letting it thrive in small and confined quarters. Web programming has been a safe haven; a nice binary it either works or it doesn't. Certainly once you scratch the surface on that front we get into elegance, scalability and reusability of design but those too are far easier to quantify than the value of art, expression or music.
Meanwhile, I chose to engage in meditation practices in the hope of making peace with myself half way expecting that I'd arrive at a magical paint dispensing station where I'd be given the *right* kind of paint to turn myself into a full fledged wood based construction.
What's actually occurred as I go deeper into meditation and self surrender is a gradual casting off of the layers of paint applied by myself and others. As this happens, I'm turning inward again and realizing that creativity manifests from the inside out. In order to create *anything* one has to align oneself with oneself in order to direct their own energy - external validation and permission be damned.
As some people close to me know, I'm in the middle of an 18 month program centered around energy work through meditation - technically called 'Clairvoyant Training' - I assure you there are no crystal balls or flashing neon signs involved. Without going into the uber specifics I will say that for me, the bulk of my work in the program thus far is centered around becoming more aware and learning to work with my own energy.
One of the coolest things that's happened as a result of this work is a gradual shift and realignment between myself and my creativity.
A few years ago, I shifted my attention outside of myself to look for and bring other information in to apply it to myself and do what I'm not certain. Maybe become someone else? Maybe to get past blocks or frustrations that I didn't think I knew how to deal with? It was kinda of like being a brick building not knowing if it's okay to accept yourself as such so you go out looking for the right paint to coat yourself with in the hopes that by painting yourself you might become a construction made from wood instead of brick. It's a strange analogy but follow me it makes sense.
I was raised by people who believed in external validation and recognition above all else as a means for acquiring permission necessary to do what one wants. This is a *death sentence* for creativity. I remember trying to keep my head above water around this; I worked double time to make it okay just to be me and not get swept up in the need for value judgments from outside myself. Trying to just be *brick*. I was successful to some extent but there was always the lingering fear that something me be wrong with me as brick and eventually it would catch up with me.
Fast forward to the year 2001, things were falling apart left and right including somethings I contributed to the creation of and it scared the living shit out of me. With the fall of the towers in New York City I caved into the fear of my brickness and tumbled into submission. I relinquished my convincing efforts and decided to surrender to whatever and I do mean whatever. I was tired and desperately didn't want to fuck up anything else.
I've spent the years following somewhat numb to my creativity letting it thrive in small and confined quarters. Web programming has been a safe haven; a nice binary it either works or it doesn't. Certainly once you scratch the surface on that front we get into elegance, scalability and reusability of design but those too are far easier to quantify than the value of art, expression or music.
Meanwhile, I chose to engage in meditation practices in the hope of making peace with myself half way expecting that I'd arrive at a magical paint dispensing station where I'd be given the *right* kind of paint to turn myself into a full fledged wood based construction.
What's actually occurred as I go deeper into meditation and self surrender is a gradual casting off of the layers of paint applied by myself and others. As this happens, I'm turning inward again and realizing that creativity manifests from the inside out. In order to create *anything* one has to align oneself with oneself in order to direct their own energy - external validation and permission be damned.
posted by Stacia @ 1:42 PM
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