My Beating Bursting Heart - There Will Never Be Another You (Or Me)

I'm alive. It's been a long time since I've felt this alive.

My heart is pounding not with thoughts for another but with thoughts for myself. Yeah, it sounds narcissistic as all hell. And perhaps the root of all narcissism starts with the affinity for who you are within yourself. But whatever the case maybe, I finally get it - why it is of absolutely the utmost importance for one to truly love oneself.

I'm in a handful of situations that I ought not to be because within them I am not valued for what I am worth and capable of. Within the last week these situations and the urgent need for me to do something about it and stand the fuck up for myself has been brought to my attention.

Something has shifted and instead of looking at all of this with disdain and dread I am excited at the prospect of doing something better for myself. It's been years since I've felt this way but I remember feeling this way growing up and dreaming of leaving home.

I'm in good place to make these changes. I've already gone rounds with my ego and met the groundless highs it can lead me to when left unchecked. I also understand that without some sense of ego and self affinity I can steer myself into scenarios that are totally inappropriate for me to be involved in.

Such a precarious balance living one's life as an advocate for oneself never mind living one's life as creator - artist - manifestor. It is one thing to merely exist and quite another to take the helm and become the master of one's destiny - to acknowledge and embrace *choice* as it hangs in the air with each step one takes.

I am wholly aware of the potential grandiosity of these statements and in another time would have scoffed at them. But today I understand. They are not made with some idea that truly mastering one's destiny equates to the manifest destiny of imperialist regimes. Quite the opposite really - you are the only person that can become and be who you are - this task can be completed by no other and thus it is of the utmost importance for you to embrace who you are, who you are to become and the journey that lay before you in doing so.

There's an old tune - a standard that I learned during an ear training class at Berklee - I'm reminded of it now and while it has overtones of romance and nostalgia it makes note of the truth that you must be you because there's no one else that can.

"There Will Never Be Another You"

Words and Music by Mack Gordon and Harry Warren

There will be many other nights like this
And I'll be standing here with someone new
There will be other songs to sing, another Fall, another Spring
But there will never be another you

There will be other lips that I may kiss
But they won't thrill me like yours used to do
Yes, I may dream a million dreams but how can they come true
If there will never ever be another you

There will be other lips that I may kiss
But they won't thrill me like yours used to do
Yes, I may dream a million dreams but how can they come true
If there will never ever be another you