and I'm Feeling Fine ......

I cannot remember what that lyric is from - I just googled it and got a bunch of listings ..... feh.

As I move through the clairvoyant training program I started just now over a year ago I periodically look at the goals I had in mind for myself when I began the program. The one that sticks out is 'to manifest my inward creativity outwardly'.

So what about that, and what about music - my creation of music - and what about this urge I have and have had since I was a little girl to design clothing?

I was chatting with a friend at the bar last night. He makes films, does carpentry, writes and of late is making surf boards and spending a lot of time surfing. We were sort of reviewing what each of us was up to work wise, creatively, etc.. It seems that in the end both of us are more inclined to spend time doing things that are *fun* - for my pal it's surfing and making boards for me it's clairvoyant stuff and at this point figuring out how I'm going to learn to design clothes.

And yet I know I can make music - so what's the rub - why isn't the thought of it fun and don't I have the tools to shift any of the blocks and baggage that I associate with making music?

Another friend told me recently that he couldn't live without the experience of working with one of his bands. I think I used to *think* I felt that way. As it turns out not only am I still alive but I'm feeling fine.

Pros And Cons Of Using Your Messianic Complex To Fuel Your Artistic Endeavors

First off let's look at Wikipedia's data on the Messianic Complex:

"Messianic Complex is a psychological state in which the individual believes him/herself to be the saviour of the world.
The term is also used to describe the mindset of 1st Century Palestinians who believed the coming of the Messiah to be imminent."

Alright! We're off - here are the pros and cons of running around with one of these while trying to make art.

Pros:

1. Everything you do has a 'purpose' - that purpose - to save the world of course!
2. You don't have to get God's or anyone else's permission for shit!
3. If anyone tells you your work is crap you can tell them that they are going to hell for sure.
4. The quality, integrity, or rigor of your work is of little consequence since everything you do is for the betterment of mankind anyway.
5. There is no need to understand the work of those who came before you since you're saving everyone from the mess that is the world they helped create.

Cons:
1. It ain't easy being Jesus - there's loneliness that comes from the isolation of being the sole saviour of the world.
2. Nobody understands you - thus you have no one to relate to - thus the loneliness - again.
3. With everyone's problems and need for saving there isn't much time left in the day for you or your art.
4. The hopelessness and futility of your efforts are only overshadowed when you buy into your complex that much more which in turn amplifies the effects of Cons 1-3.

I can only write this as one who many, many moons ago walked down the righteous path myself.

Good god I'm glad that's over.